The media and our culture swamp us with many misinformations about how relationships are supposed to be. We still think that when we find the one for us all will be well and they will complete us. Or maybe some of us think a conscious and serious relationship means that we somehow rise above our issues and triggers.
When we finally got committed in a long term relationship and then the warm sentimental feelings of the honeymoon stage fades after six months or a year, then we get to the goods of a real relationship.
We struggle then sometimes we blame, we judge and then we hate. We shut it down, we got apart, and we run away. We do all the things that we can and we act like our parents, the thing we had swore we had never do. We then suffer because of our fantasy about a relationship doesn’t match with our lived experience of the real relationship we are in now.
We saw and discover that a relationship is full of pleasure but also that it is full of pain. It’s not just happy, but it’s sad too. It’s not just blissful, it’s depressing too. We don’t just experience warm feelings and sentiments; we also experience cold iciness and rage. Then, what we do is judge ourselves against the one sided marriage model that was sold to us. We get depressed by thinking that perhaps we made a mistake or something is wrong with us. Or, we will blame our spouse and hold them accountable for our pain.
For Marriage, if we have the proper view and tools, is a two way journey catapulting and demanding us to become all that we are.
We must say yes to the growth and have a willingness to learn how to face all that comes up within the confines of marriage and long-term relationship.